Becoming the Best Possible Version of Yourself

Jan 16, 2025

Almost every adult feels at least some inkling of desire to be the best version of themselves. In renowned psychologist Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, self-actualization is the absolute pinnacle of happiness and achievement. Unfortunately, not everybody knows what the best version of themself looks like, or how to get there. 

In this article we provide powerful frameworks you can use to maximize growth and reach your full potential. 

Cognitive Restructuring

The first step to changing behaviors to enable growth is challenging the negative thoughts that lead to unwanted behaviors and a poor self-image. 

In behavioral therapy, the “A.B.C.D.E” disputing thinking pattern refers to a method for identifying and challenging negative thought patterns in which each letter represents a specific step in the process. 

A: Activating event

The activating event refers to the situation or trigger that initiates a negative thought pattern. To effectively challenge a thought which may lead you down a long and winding rabbit hole of self-defeating thoughts, it’s essential to recognize that the triggering event is only a circumstance. You give it meaning.

B: Beliefs

Beliefs are the thoughts and interpretations you have about the activating event, which are often distorted or unhelpful. These can include ideas of how something “should” have happened, rather than how it played out in reality. Actively challenging these beliefs will help to stop ruminating thoughts before they get a hold on you. 

C: Consequences 

In disputing thinking patterns, consequences are the emotions and behaviors that arise from your beliefs about the activating event.

D: Disputation

After experiencing the trigger, beliefs, and consequences of negative thought patterns, it’s time to break the cycle and stop these thoughts dead in their tracks. Challenge negative beliefs by questioning their logic and validity. By disputing irrational beliefs and then replacing them with rational ones, you can take control of the situation and reclaim your peace of mind.

E: Emotional response

Once negative beliefs are challenged, you can replace them with more rational and helpful thoughts, leading to a more positive emotional response. Remember, no one can make you feel emotions you don’t want to feel.

Understand the Things You Cannot Change

“There is never any need to get worked up or to trouble your soul about things you can’t control. These things are not asking to be judged by you. Leave them alone.” — Emperor Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 

Q: What’s one thing that Stoic Philosophy, Zen Buddhism, and Alcoholics Anonymous all have in common?

A: All of these worldviews emphasize the importance of learning to accept the things you can’t control in order to find inner peace and happiness.  

Below is a list of five things that you cannot control and need to come to terms with to avoid getting stuck in the same endless cycles of rumination, frustration, and resentment.

1. Nothing is Permanent

Sooner or later, everything changes and everything comes to an end. This truth is simultaneously both terrifying and liberating. 

Nothing good lasts forever. Joy fades, experiences come to an end, and the people we love eventually perish. Such is life. But though joy may be fleeting, so too is suffering. Painful emotions are not permanent, no matter how intense they may feel. The pain you endure today will not be there forever.  

Life is not a fixed state. It’s a continuous journey of self-discovery. Only when one chapter finally ends can another begin. In order to live our best life, we must take solace in this fact and embrace the unknown. 

2. Things do not always go according to plan

Rigid thinking is one of the greatest roadblocks to self-actualization.

When it comes to setting goals, for example, we have a tendency to fixate so much on a single outcome that we put off our future happiness with promises that once we finally achieve our desired goal, we can finally feel fulfilled. But what happens if that day never comes? An unfulfilled goal can be crushing, if we stake our entire future happiness on a single outcome.  

While goal setting can be helpful, it’s not necessary to future success. In basketball, you don’t win games by staring at the scoreboard. You win games through discipline and preparation. Similarly, in life, it’s our behaviors and attitudes that enable future success, even if it’s in a way that’s unexpected. There’s more than one pathway to success, and narrowly focusing on a single outcome can actually limit your potential. That’s why you’re better off focusing on process, while remaining open to whatever the future has in store. 

3. Life is Not Always Fair 

Fair is the real f-word. Everybody likes to complain that life isn’t fair, and most of the time they’re right. But whether or not that’s not true, it doesn’t really matter. 

Wishful thinking won’t change anything. We can’t change the hand we’re dealt, but we can decide what to do with it. Rising above adversity is possible through hard work and determination. 

4. Pain Is a Part of Life

The actress Annette Funicello once said that “pain is a part of life, misery is an option.” Similarly, Buddha taught that all lives contain suffering, but liberation can be found through mindfulness and acceptance.

We often forget that pain exists for a reason. It’s something we’re biologically programmed to feel, and exists as a response to harmful situations. Experiencing it in fullness helps us avoid further harm and promotes self-preservation.

While there’s no point to needless suffering, pain is a powerful teacher. The challenges we face in life and how we deal with them shape who we become, and are key to the journey of self-realization. 

5. People Are Not Loving All the Time

Often, it’s our relationships with others which provide the most joy in life, and which also inflict the longest lasting pain. 

Unfortunately, relationships sour, people snap, and not everyone has your best intentions at heart. It’s easy to harbor a sense of betrayal after experiencing interpersonal conflict or enduring a problematic relationship, especially after things were going so well. Naturally, we romanticize the good times and, as a result, for some people it’s easy to blame themselves for why things went wrong. That’s why it’s important to remember that people are not loving and loyal all of the time. 

9 Strategies for Creating a Positive Self-Image

1. Intention 

We have the power to consciously choose attitudes and behaviors that will lead to future happiness. Accepting this responsibility is a crucial first step in establishing more positive thought patterns.

2. Accountability

Accepting personal responsibility for our own actions, thoughts, and feelings helps us to actively take control of lives, and not simply feel like the victims of fate. 

3. Identification (Self-Awareness) 

For millennia, the ancient Greek proverb, “Know Thyself” has been seen as a cornerstone of Western philosophy. By continually evaluating our own thoughts, behaviors, and emotions, we can unlock a deeper, more fundamental understanding of self. 

Self-awareness enables us to make better decisions, build stronger relationships, manage stress better, and ultimately live a more fulfilling life by identifying our strengths, weaknesses, and areas for personal growth.

4. Centrality

Find balance in life by identifying the thoughts, behaviors, and activities that fill you with hope and happiness. If possible, try to make these things the calm center of your existence which everything else revolves around.  

5. Recasting 

When written in Chinese, the word crisis is composed of two characters. One represents danger, and the other represents opportunity. By reframing challenges as opportunities, you can transform a stressful moment or problem into something a source of positive energy.

6. Openness and Curiosity

The famed artist and inventor Leonardo Da Vinci once said that “learning is the only thing the mind never exhausts, never fears and never regrets.”

Life is a continuous journey of self-discovery. Part of a growth mindset is being open to new experiences. Staying open to possibilities means letting things emerge and unfold rather than forcing them to happen. Consider every moment, experience, or event from a place of observation and curiosity.

7. Gratitude

Practicing gratitude can lead to greater satisfaction from the life you already live. Take time to notice and appreciate the things we often take for granted.

8. Contribution

By sharing your wisdom and experience with a larger community, you can be part of something greater than yourself.  

9. Transparency

The Bible says that the truth shall set you free. Regardless of what you believe, it’s difficult to deny the inherent wisdom of those six, short words.

The truth gives us wings and elevates us high above the anxieties and unhappiness of our everyday lives.

Conclusion

Personal growth goes beyond the intention of wanting to do better. To become the best possible version of yourself, you need tools to propel yourself forward. For more advice on important life topics, like growth and relationships, check out our other blogs.